Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Terrible Irony

It really bothers me that I want to be left alone most of the time. At the same time, I like doing stuff for people. I like doing stuff for people without being asked, just for the sake of helping. I don't mind giving of my time, energy, and talent to get things done. Once it becomes a demand, as in it being required of me, I don't want to do it. I begin to despise the work and don't want to waste the time, energy, or talent to get it done.

This is something I have to fight daily. I would enjoy working if it was volunteer work. The problem is that I need to make money to pay the bills. It's the obligation that is bothersome. This attitude does not fit into a leadership position. If I am obligated to work, I prefer a position of leadership. The problem is that the leadership job requires constant demands all the time. Everybody wants your opinion, or wants you to make a decision. You can't let it get to you. Yet it does get to me at times. I recently told Alma that "everybody wants a piece of me." The frustration builds unless I get some alone time. Lots of alone time. Time to think about what I will do when I am back with everybody again.

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