Tuesday, January 10, 2006

So many interests, which way to go?

I am torn amongst my many interests. I really like politics on both the national, state, and local levels. I want to finish my degree in something. I want a better job. I want to spend more time with my family. I want to just chuck it all and go for long bike rides or hikes. There are so many directions I want to go, but only one life available to do any of them. What is at hand is that I need to set priorities. What is it that I want to focus my energy on doing?

Politics is really taking hold of my interest right now because of the elections coming up in the State and in Hidalgo county. I've been doing a lot of posting at RGV Life.

I want to finish my degree because that is a major reaso why I am not earning what I ought to be earning. I am frustrated that much less talented people than me are making many more times the money that I am earning because they have a degree. They are just as stupid today as they were before; except, they have a degree. It really ticks me off and makes me want to go on and graduate.

I want a better job. Part of the reason that I have not succeeded so much is because I have not tried to seek a better job. It is possible to earn more money without a degree, but I have not done so because I have always wanted to leave options open so I can go to school.

Spending more time with the family would be great. I miss them and they miss me. I got a break from doing the rounds for the restaurants. I really love my family. I am still coming to terms with the significance of my decision to marry and have kids. It basically means that I am destined to be a loser. Every biography I have read of leaders of any industry or great undertaking shows that great men were never home. They simply married a woman who would carry on without them. Or, they married a woman who later divorced them. These great men were never home or were married to their work. So, my values tell me that I should be there for my wife and my children. It breaks my heart knowing that it just dooms me to be a loser. I drink a lot. I wish I had to the guts to just do what I want to do without regards to what my wife and kids think. I guess I don't.

I want to go bike riding for hours on end. I want to see the countryside in Hidalgo County and know my town more intimately by riding around on my bike and hiking. Until recently, I could not do it due to time constraints. I can do it now. Maybe I will. Once I decide which way to go, I know I'll have to stop. Dammit. What do I do?

It's times like this I wish I had a relationship with God. Maybe he could give me some guidance. Then that becomes another problem. I'd have to go to church and spend time creating a relationship with God. So, WTF? What can I do? What should I do? Where do I spend my time and energy? I don't know what to do. I don know that something has to give. I can't have it all.
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